herpunishment | (no subject)

Sup babe

H-hi!! '-'

Okay, so Haruto is really happy in his relationship with Lucky— as long as he is not fucking allowed to think about it. Which is funny, because he FOCUSES on it a hell of a lot, WHAT CAN I DO FOR EXCEL, or yay Excel is in front of me lets do FUN COUPLE THINGS.

H-however, he did recently make his deal with T. WHICH ON ONE HAND IS GREAT, he no longer has all those ugly rage, betrayal, and vengeance feels welling up around him on all sides. BUT. It also took away what, until then, was a lot of his DRIVE in Thusia: focus on Excel force it down focus on it BE HAPPY DESPITE IT. And his annoyance at his death DIDN'T MATTER because he had these awful ugly feelings ALL THE TIME. OH WELL. IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS EXACERBATING IT. Then he makes that deal and he suddenly doesn't HAVE that focus. Which is why he like more or less immediately went up to several gods for missions and things to do and overfilled his plate, because he was suddenly left at a loss and it was EASIER than actually thinking about it.

Because- he does like dating Excel. It is fun, it's a thing he built here. It is, more or less, the thing he built his life AROUND in Thusia. He can't just go WHOOPS I AM SANE(...ish) NOW, SORRY. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT. DOES. MAKE HIM HAPPY. but it also means he is shoving aside all sorts of thoughts and feelings, in order to keep it working. If he confronts himself with what he's doing, he's miserable. And Haruto doesn't WANT to be miserable, so he just shuts it off TIME FOR STALKING EXCEL AGAIN ssssh only nice things now. /IGNORE HARDER. He can't focus on it at all because there'sssss no reason to, because doing so would be stupid: OKAY YES I WILL TEAR DOWN MY HAPPINESS BECAUSE I AM NOT IN FACT OKAY WITH THIS? YEAH WHATEVER NO WAY. I DID THIS MUCH, I AM STILL GOING WITH IT!! So whenever he starts thinking feelings, he just NOPE-> EVERYTHING IS SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS AND DATING EXCEL. The only reason that didn't happen with Alma is because he's a zombie and fixating right now so he— couldn't pull away from those feelings as fast as he usually could. STRONG FEELINGS I WANTED YOU TO SHUT DOWN LISTEN TO ME!!

The issues he is (emphatically refusing to have) are pretty well outlined in his thread with Alma. ASIDE FROM THAT THOUGH, as long as he is allowed to co-dependence and obsess over Excel, he is pretty happy with their relationship. But the under-surface shit is a lot closer than it used to be. H-he is in fact asking T for a switch on her powers, so he can deal with that rage again whenever sanity is too hard. '-'

IDK IF THAT WAS CLEAR, I CAN CLARIFY IF ANY POINTS ARE CONFUSING.

Reverse!!

Poor semi-sane Haruto.

Excel, on the other hand, is doing pretty well with her repressions and self-delusion! She got sort of out of practice with restructuring her world in Sabra (as Sabra was just too terrible to compensate in such a way), so it feels really great for her to be able to return to her favorite emotional management system: Doing whatever the fuck she wants to and then rewriting history so that she is superior to everyone for doing whatever it was she just did.

Which is to say, she's feeling pretty awesome about dating Haruto right now! She's gotten comfortable with him and has basically decided that he's a sound emotional investment (doubly cemented by him fighting with Scowl less and also dying with her). And now she's getting really into dating him, actively wanting to seek his attention and do nice things for him.

She's even built self-loathing and other such potential problems right into the core of her new philosophy: "I don't deserve real love but I DO deserve this! And I sure am noble for making things up to Haruto! \o/"

also +100 points 'cause they're goin swimming

I think we've covered Anis, but what would Haruto do if Il Palazzo showed up?

Try and kill him. Uh. WHY ARE ALL THESE THINGS TRYING TO WRECK MY NICE THINGS!!! but you are thing I have no attachment to and SURELY EXCEL WOULDN'T MIND!! :D;;; or I could make it up to her SOMEHOW. '-' Past that I am not. Sure, but he'd resent his presence. :E I HAD NO PLANS FOR THIS JUST DIE. AND THEN MAYBE I CAN COMFORT EXCEL IN HER MOURNING. Since it wouldn't work though, I don't know how he'd deal with it after that. . .

Excel have any thoughts on Haruto and Scowl getting along better?

Yeah I... don't have any Il Palazzo contingency plans either. Her entire emotional stability hinges on him not being around. JUST GONNA BANK ON NOBODY EVER APPING ONE.

Anyway, she's ~delighted~ to see them not at each others' throats! Like, she doesn't take Scowl's dating opinions seriously AT ALL, but that doesn't mean the constant tension and fighting wasn't a huge pain. She doesn't care if they dislike each other as long as they're not causing problems. The important thing is that everyone pays attention to but does not inconvenience Excel!!

What effect are you gonna do when Haruto revives?

Haven't decided. I might be lazy and have him be like OH I NEED TO GET VENGEANCE NOW!! and uh, pass out from bloodloss from that fruitless endeavor. But he has T's effect so there's probably not what I'll go with. Plus it's boring. I might have him lose his identity as "haruto" and have him think he is the original yellow rose. Or upgrade his obsession with Excel. Hiss hiss why are other people looking at her she is mine. HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

You decided yet?

Nope! The best idea I have right now is reverting to her to her first few days of Sabra and the only people she'll recognize are Zel and Red, but I'm not quite sold on it. Give her the memories and desire to wipe out the human race? idk man.

I'm zoning. Got any more good questions?

Good questions? Probably not, though I do enjoy begging music off uh, everybody. Got any for Excel or Thusia to show me, or nope, Tristan, fuck off until you can come up with something decent?

I suck the MOST at character-appropriate-songs game. I think my best association with Excel's moronic backstory is Reprehensible by TMBG but... nope I am the worst at this.

I could rec some songs I've been into lately? But they're all just old metal anyway.

My tastes are the most indiscriminate. I probably won't have most of it since my dinosaurs music is like, Frank Zappa, King Crimson, and Lake Palmer and Emerson. Just rock, not metal.

WE TALKED MORE SO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ME HARUTO

JESUS CHRIST THAT ICON

I mean— Okay, Haruto is ~~needing to learn Alma Karma is not his personal confessional booth~~ very comfortable with Alma. As much as Haruto spends most his time on a concentrated don't think about it effort, when he talks with Alma, he doesn't feel there's any consequences to telling Alma whatever he wants, because it's someone who sympathises, and also. Well, it's a weird looking monster thing. He assumes if it came down to it, he is the one who comes off as normal and he could just deny deny deny. But as much as he likes having someone who he CAN talk about it with, once he starts talking about it OH FUCK, DEALING WITH IT. I DON'T WANT TO LET'S DO SOMETHING ELSE: PUNS PUNS PUNS which is what happened last time they had a serious conversation full of feelings: TOO MANY FEELINGS, FUCK COPING: HAVE A DISTRACTION and that part of the conversation was headed off. Being a zombie this time that uh, didn't happen.

Ssssso, he's kind. If he were someone else, he'd evaluate his budding friendship with Alma and go, okay, if this keeps heading into this territory maybe I should. Stop. But instead he's just going to keep bothering him and talking with him and being friendly, going to act like that part didn't happen full stop, and be kind of irritated (most likely) if Alma brings it up. U-until the next time there is too many feelings. '-'; He's fine with. Listening to what Alma went through, and is... not angry on his behalf, but if order scientists came to Thusia Haruto would be kind of. So do you want any help killing them or. . .? But they're. Definitely friends now, on Haruto's side, he's just not sure what to do with someone who will listen now, when he doesn't even want to listen to his own problems. Which is still better than if he felt like he wanted to share with a person and the other party was like HARUTO WHO CARES because then he'd just. hate them. Unless they're Anis, she gets a pass because there's other feelings over-riding. ...he also would PROBABLY not share with Excel, for a while yet (barring unforseen circumstances) but idk maybe she could also get away with it, since he didn't want her to know in the first place.

But overall he is super comfortable with Alma, and he likes hanging out with him, he's just really bad at dealing with the ramifications of his own comfort.

Reverse?